Jerry: “It’s interesting – you mention Kay Hymowitz’s book, which is in some ways similar to yours but in other ways very different. Let’s not single her out in particular, but there does tend to be a scold-y tone. Yeah, that’s really going to work with men, right? There does tend to be a scold-y tone in a lot of the “what’s wrong with men” vein, the “failure to launch”, “they’re not going to college”, “they’re not participating in the economy” – a tone that seems to (interestingly for liberals) place no obligation whatsoever or no causal effect whatsoever on larger societal factors.”Men on Strike is a very good book, not so much because it contains anything that will be new to the readers here, but because it is putting those ideas in front of a lot of people who have never considered them before. And one of those things that many people haven't seen before is what the Forbes writer describes as "a lack of scoldiness"; Dr. Helen is one of the few female writers on intersexual relations who is actually sympathetic towards men and understands that the world is not a zero-sum game where the sexes are concerned.
Helen: “I definitely think there is a scolding factor and I think people are so used to shaming men, and that’s very prevalent in the culture. I think that we see – I mean, there are so many messages through the commercials, through the media, that men are just no good. And so it’s just so easy to pick up and say that, “Yeah, men are worthless. They’re not good fathers.” We’ve got so many messages out there and I think that’s a really negative thing to be sending to men and particularly young boys in schools and in society. Going back to some of these books like End of Men or Manning Up, you’re right: the message is basically, “You know what, you’re doing this because you’re just an immature man.”
There’s a chapter in Hymowitz’s book about Child-Man in the Promised Land and it’s looking at how men just have so many options and this is why they’re doing what they’re doing. My point in my book is that men are not going to participate in a society that is not going to reward them for that behavior. In other words: if you’re a good father, a good husband, and you do all of the things you’re supposed to do, society still will go after you if you step out of line in any particular way.
In the old days, it was sort of like – fifty years ago a man was head of household, looked up to, treated with respect, and now a married man in many ways is seen as less of a man (not more of one) and it’s doubly so if he has kids.
The fact that something is bad for men doesn't mean that it is good for women.